Lightnings Tic-Tac's

I have redone the blog. It is now less offensive to the senses. Enjoy, I may actually post on a regular basis this time.

Sunday, August 17, 2003

ok, I'm back and I didn't go to bed. I have trouble sleeping, and not because of any sort of desire not to sleep but a desire to stay away. It seems lately, due to oversleeping, that I have trouble rationalizing sleep. It seems like such a waste. You lay in bed, all inert and stuff, for several hours doing nothing you can really control. Yeah I know it recharges your body and does all kinds of other biological things that your body needs, but I still feel like it's a waste of alot of time. Oh well, I'll go to bed eventually. Anyway, I would like to take the first step towards something...er..I don't know something. I do miss hanging out with you Liam, and I know you miss me too, so none of these pride crap about not missing me. I want to bury it, be done. I'll admit I spoke harshly, but it happened and it can't be changed. You have spoken harshly too, and unjustly, (I may have been unjust too). So peace and possibley being friends again? As a peace gesture I invite you to D&D (I can't remeber if you just didn't want to play because of the people last time I asked or because you hate D&D) anyway, it's a monster campaigne, there is also an evil campaigne but Adienne is DMing it so I'm not gonna invite you to that, she'd have to. Anyway, moving on, well I guess there isn't much to move onto at this point.

Quack Quack Emu Sound
I'm back again, and I guess my last post went over as something it shouldn't have been taken as. That was not pride, that was me saying my peace because that's the way I am. You remeber my little chat to have my peace with Rebecca, right Liam? because she didn't speak to me anymore. It's my way and I'll thank you, Ostermiller, not to knock it. I'm done, I don't care. I have Adrienne, and I have all that is dear to me. I have peace that takes a lifetime to achive in only 18 years, almost. I have another peace to make, that will never be read by that person, but oh well. I'm not gonna do that tonight though, it's far to hot and I have school tomorrow. To all of you who read this tonight, go to bed, to those who read it tomorrow at a reasonable time, I'm done writing, nothing all that important tonight.

Quack Quack Emu Sound

P.S. Ostermiller, if you have something directed at me from my posts(good or bad) don't put in on your blog, I don't check it often, so put it in the guestbook, or tell me you have something on your blog for me to read in the guestbook. Efficiency, the key to being efficient.(Yes, I know that doesn't look right, but I don't want to look up how to spell it.)

Saturday, August 16, 2003

Well this is my first post that I'm gonna put in here and keep up for more than 10 minutes. I would like first to address everyone who reads. This is the truth , unabridged, from my view so any of my friends who are offended by what might be written know that you offended me and that's why you end up in a postion of being offended yourself. I would like now, to come to my astranged and seriously diluded friend Liam Powers. I find myself wondering what I did wrong. Ok, I'll admit, I told him off, and told him to crap his whining BS back down his throat and do something about. I got tired of hearing how horrible everything is for him because he didn't get to see his grilfriend everytime he got an erection and how his Dad hated him so much. But then I come to what I know of his history and I can't help but pity him. ot for his horrible situation, but because he is so diluded and self centered. Between his parents he has a pilots licence, a car, trained under someone who trained under Bruce Lee(which I find to be a falsety these days), took survival training, and had every excuse to be a screw up by drinking and doing drugs, becausehe could. Ok, he lost someone he cared about, everyone does. Eveyone loses everyone they care about eventually, but they don't seem to turn down this path of self hatred and bitterness at a world where everything is possible, including not squandering everything you have because of one mistake. Life is full of tragedy and misfortune, nothing goes right forever, but that doesn't mean you have to look behind your back every time things start going right expecting things to go bad. Things get better, they always do, if you turn things the way you want. I went through the whole self pity and all depressed crap, and frankly it was worse than what I was depressed about. "what's the point of living if you can't feel alive?" You must live and you must do so as your own person and you. You cannot live as an extension, you cannot live through someone else. Your life is just that, yours, you can't base it around someone else just because you don't like yours anymore. Hell if that's the way it worked most people would be famous and fame would mean nothing. You must rise up from the self pity, from the self hate. You must come to see yourself, and only yourself. It is not you and someone else. It is you, and you are the most important person in your life because you are the one living it. You cannot live for someone else and thay cannot live for you. Yes, love someone else, be passionate about it, give them all you got, but why? Because that is what YOU do, not what they do. Do it because you live for yourself and yourself want's them to be with you, for them to live with you, not for you. This may be disregarded by those it will help most, I find that to be the most common problem with people who need help, they refuse it out of pride, bitterness, or just plain being stubborn because they think you don't know what they're going through, and frankly I don't know what other people are going through. I wonder if everyone else gets an occasional pain in their foot for no reason, but this is something that goes beyond experience, beyond what you've been through. There will be different results to this and there will be differnt modes of doing this, but I tell you now, I proclain to everyone who will ever read this. You're life is your own and you must live it as so. Your life is for you to live firstly, then you can give it tood, to your wife, to your children, to whoever you want, but it cannot be for them if it is not for you.


Quack Quack Emu Sound

P.S. I would also like to set the recond straight for something that needed to be cleared up long ago. Liam so falsely stated that when he cheated on Sierra there was no one there but Sierra. I would like to point out that, firstly, I told him not to stay at Thunder's. I was his ride there, and I told him to come with me. He did not. Secondly I was there for him. I spent the entire next day with him(Which he neglected to mention in his blog) consoling him and trying to figure out what to do. I was there, it was Liam who decided to turn his back on me. It was Liam who chose Sierra to help him through this rather than his friend since Jr. High. But that was his choice, and he is the one to live with it, he is the one who must someday realise that I didn't make him choose between Sierra and I, It was he who forced that choice. Have fun Liam, things were good once, then you started living for someone else...